Why Grown Men Walk Around Wearing Football Jerseys
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season, except when the NFL decides to open the season on a Wednesday.
In high school, we got to wear our China football Jersey to class every Friday. After Thursday practice, we would get back to the locker room, and there, hanging at our lockers, were the game-day jerseys. All clean and shiny and smooth to the touch. The acrylic for the numbers was so thick that you could fold your jersey along the digits and the paint wouldn’t crack. We didn’t have names on our jerseys, but I can imagine how fantastic it would be to see your last name in block print across the back of a real uniform.
There were clean pants, too, and the game pants were always much tighter than the practice pants because they didn’t get worn out over the course of the practice week. You had to thread your belt through the pants, and I was always the slowest kid in the locker room to get my belt out of the other end. There was always a flap near the hole that the belt would catch on, and getting past that fucking flap would take me hours.
For the next 36 hours or so, the jerseys were ours. buy football Jersey We could wear them to dinner on Thursday night (I did). We could do homework in them (I did). We could stand in front of mirror wearing the jersey and nothing else and have very involved sex fantasies about doing horrible things to cheerleaders (I very much did). We could sleep in them, although I never did that because I didn’t want my precious jersey wrinkled for the next day.